Episode 85 - Building dreams together

Being a small business owner can be stressful. Sometimes, our businesses can add conflict in our relationships with significant others. In this episode, Jeff and Kristin discuss ways to minimize this conflict so you can start building dreams together. 

Even if your significant other does not work in your business, conflicts can exist. These conflicts usually stem from a lack of understanding between the business owner and non-business owner significant other. Creating more understanding between the two of you will allow for more joy and less stress. 

Understanding yourself

Conflicts often arise because the business owner does not have a clear vision for her business and how it will affect her life. Here are a few questions to ask yourself if you are in this position:

1. What are your dreams?
2. How will your business help you achieve these dreams?
3. What steps are you taking to achieve those dreams?
4. Are you setting deadlines?

We also recommend that you take the 5 love languages assessment. This will give you some interesting insight into what acts make you feel loved. We recommend that you also ask your significant other to take the assessment. For more in-depth information about the 5 love languages, consider purchasing the book. 

Listening and learning

Now that you've gotten some clarity on your own life, it's time to get some clarity on your significant other. Often, we complain that our significant other does not understand our point of view, especially when it pertains to our business. However, how often do we ask if we really understand our significant other's perspective?

We often assume that those around us understand our business and our plan. Is that really true? Do we know our loved one's goals and dreams? Here are some tips to start the conversation:

1. How will your business benefit your loved one?
2. How will your business affect your loved one?
3. Does my significant other understand my business and my dreams?
4. What are my significant other's desires and dreams?
5. How can we find connections between our goals and dreams?

Understanding your loved one's drives and concerns can help open a dialog to aid in building your dreams together. 

Minimizing conflict

When conflicts do arise, we need to step back from the emotion and look for valid concerns. Opening up a dialog makes it easier for your significant other to voice concerns. Unless we are willing and able to hear those concerns in a rational manner, your loved one will not be willing to share. This causes resentment and small things blow up into huge arguments. 

It is difficult to hear criticism; however, if we are not open to our loved one sharing honest concerns, this will lead to conflict. Don't let your first response be defensiveness. Ask yourself if there are valid points in those concerns. 

Holding yourself accountable

Over the past 15 years working with small business owners and mediating conflicts between couples, many conflicts stem from delayed or broken promises. We often set deadlines for ourselves and watch those deadlines pass. When this happens repeatedly, your significant other will lose confidence in you, especially if you are not sharing reasons why these deadlines are being missed. 

Sometimes we don't like to share what is going on in our business because we are disappointed in our own progress. We shut our significant other out because we don't want them to see our mess or our failure. This will just cause further conflict down the road. Would you treat your customers this way? We should never treat our partner worse than our own customers. 

Holding yourself accountable, not only to yourself but also to your partner may help you achieve more. Ask your partner for insight in some areas of your business. If you are struggling with something, ask if you can run the problem past your partner. It may give your partner some important insight into how hard you are working. 

Don't use this as an opportunity to have a complain-a-thon.  Allow this to be a conversation that can help you complete something constructive. 

If your conflicts involve money, check out Melissa the Coach. She teaches a money management system which is very similar to the one we used to pay off over $220,000 in debt. Without getting our financial house in order, we would have never been able to get Jeff out of his 9 to 5 and working full-time for Ingram Digital Media. 

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